Finding Happiness.

So, here I am, finally starting my blog.  I've been inspired by a few Mommy Blogger recently. Not to start my blog, but to start living my life.  Obviously I've been living my life. But, I have not be alive in my life. I haven't been for a very long time. Something got in the way. Not just depression and mental illness, but I got in the way. I can sit here and type out every terrible thing I thought had a hand in my fear of life. But, I will not do that.  Today, (not to sound so cliche) I'm moving past the past and headed into this life finally alive!  I will not let fear get in my way.  

To be honest, I don't know when I became so afraid of life.  Perhaps it was after the premature birth of my daughter? Maybe it was before that, I'm not sure and you know what? It's been five years and my daughter is healthy and ALIVE, I have everything to be thankful for.  I have a beautiful son who is healthy & ALIVE. So full of life.  I want to be more like them and learn from them that all the garbage in my head is pointless and nothing but fodder for the fire. That's not to say all the crap life brings me to get in the way of being ALIVE wont effect me, but I won't let it define me anymore. I will not let if fester. I will wake up and choose happiness Every. Single. Day.

I have started with "What About Bob" baby steps, but I started. I will count my fucking blessing and count my lucky stars.  I will not allow my mind to get in the way of being the person I am supposed to be.  

So get ready world, get ready.  I'm coming back.